I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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