I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize