She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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