They should really pass out barf bags in church
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
