why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
