my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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