she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
