my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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