yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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