We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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