I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
