This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I want is dick and wine.
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