In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
