i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
