My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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