Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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