what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am one with the molecules
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
