I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Boobs speak an international language.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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