Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize