Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
