My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
