so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
