So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
