the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
