I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am available for nakedness
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
