It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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