the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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