did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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