He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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