Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
