I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
