we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
