I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
