fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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