i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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