May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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