I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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