you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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