what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I checked into jail on foursquare
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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