I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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