I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
