Do you still have your period?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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