There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
