She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
