Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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