I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
