I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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