Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
