I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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