i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
