2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
