grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
