yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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