Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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