I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize