Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
