Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
