If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
