I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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