When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
