i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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