I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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