New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
