he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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