K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
