i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
