he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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