I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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