Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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