when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
