The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i out mim tonsoeep
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