I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
