yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
