My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
