She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
