i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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