I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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