Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
