'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
