just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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